Its not often that you will come across a person who possesses such an eclectic mix of qualities. You know na, I dance like a mosquito with fractured legs, if at all. In other cases, the resemblance is closer to a dead rat than any other known organism. And when I sing, it echoes the voice of a donkey with sore throat. So I desist, as far as possible, and it has been sufficient this far.
Stranger still are people who find, within this plethora of vices, a few qualities that attract them. I mean, yes, I've been known to crack PJs whose stink could be a potent chemical weapon. But what was it that made people fall for any of these (un)mentionable qualities? Tell Tell?
I've eaten so much of green grass in my childhood that green is my favorite color. I see everything with a tinge of green, whether it is the extra laddoo or extra secrets. I want all that and more.
The closest resemblance to my behaviour pattern would be a pseudo-random generating equation. "How nerdy/geeky!" you may exclaim. But still, Celine dion ke kutte ki awaaz mein, Thats the way it is. I can be unpredictable at times, especially when dealt with situations I don't want to be in.
One such situation is about truth. There's some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder (woh baar baar hath dhone ki bimari! ) built into my system. If I trust you, I expect you to trust me. If I am true to you, I expect the same from you. The catch is that the word 'true' can be treated to many an extreme limits. I guess I live in one of those extremeties. As Strato will readily testfy, I hate to be lied to. And the closer the liar, the more insurmountable the feeling of disbelief is. Lucky for me that life's crests and troughs have taught me to control my anger.
I also harbor very weird views about human behaviour. One of those is about relationships. To me, intimacy is like a spoonful of jam. The more the number of breads you spread it on, the thinner it gets. The more the number of people who know your deepest secrets, the lesser the special-ness of divulging that information becomes. Similarly for needs. The more the number of people you need to survive a day, the lesser the importance of each individual person.
The polygon I hate the most is a triangle. It has often hurt me, poking into my backside with a venomous tinge or tapping my peanut-sized brain into a migraine.
To top it all, patience is a virtue I never quite grew up with. I want more, and I want it faster. God knows how many surprises I must have divulged just because I couldn't wait for that special feeling to set in.
Thankfully, there exist people who appreciate the way I look at life.
To be misunderstood or taken for a ride ( in the negative sense of the word) could be the worst thing to happen!
Humrahi jab ho mastaana,
mauj mein ho dil deewana,
fir chalne wale rukte hain kehan...
-From the film Pukaar.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
Some Serious Rumination
This was a rather boring day. But enlightening nonetheless. Or may be reassuring.
Contrary to most/many people around me, I would rank myself in the believer-atheist grey zone. And an article I read got me thinking.
I do fathom the incredible complexity of this world. I have often thought and have long remained fascinated about The Origin (of Everything). A reference to that concept comes in the starting song of the famous, but now old serial 'The Discovery of India'. I am too ignorant to comment on how most religions treat it in depth, but I do have impressions. Christians assume the existence of a God so powerful that She/He created everything out of nothing. So do Hindus, though in a sense, I am confused whether Hinduism refers to one original God or three. My impression is that other religions also assume, because they cannot explain.
In fact, my conviction is that it is beyond us to explain the Origin. May be because our minds are programmed to think of time as a linear continuum, and so, we always ask what came before... as if 'before' was a completely defined and understood concept. A theory like Relativity, which brings fuzziness into many of our well-understood concepts of time and other dimensions may be an indication that there is a fuzziness in this trail of thoughts that we cannot cope with.
Nevertheless, I agree that there is something beyond us. And my posture is that luck, fate, karma, God (and all its synonyms) refer to that same one thing.
Also that He/She/It does not interfere with what we do. It is we who pray and feel good. It is we who seek silence in the name of God.
Religion, to that extent, is only a process - of trying to live with the deep uncertainty and the human inability to explain away so many things. Religion was made by humans, as much as math was. I remember a very interesting session we had in our Theory of Computation class where one of my favorite Profs asked a stunning question. He drew a '1' on the blackboard and asked us what it was. It took a bunch of 40 very very smart men and women some time and discussion to realise that the question is much deeper than what it appears to be. And I see a parallel in terms of religion. ( If you don't see it, challenge me to a discussion on '1'. And if you are satisfied, do treat me with a cone of a nice ice-cream. )
We realise that there is an underlying concept, and we choose a symbol to express it.
If religion is such a concept, why do people go mad about it?
You may ask, why is my peanut-sized brain thinking about this?
I started wondering about all this, when I stumbled upon this article. The sentence that struck a cord inside me was this: "She was no more exempt from the realization that religion is a human fabrication than any other person..." We may cringe at the concept that someone is an atheist, and we may bloat about our understanding of religion. But what is the big deal about understanding something created by another human being? Certainly, there wasn't any religion when humans walked around naked on this Earth? (Speaking of which, Playboy could give a whole new dimension to the cliche - "Back to the basics"! )
When someone says, "You should go to a temple every once so often, or you should light up an agarbatti every evening, because you should remember God everyday", I refuse to accept it. Rituals must be treated for what they are - processes with an objective. If lighting a candle does not make me happier, why should I waste the effort ? Just think about how much milk is wasted every year by people washing shiv-lings with milk. O you devout Hindu, did you ever think about donating that milk to someone hungrier and more in need of it than Lord Shiva?
I scoff at people who fast for religion but refuse to understand that God never asks them to be hungry. If they feel happy to go hungry, so be it. But to treat it like a commandment that must be followed or else all hell will break lose is something I will never ever accept.
Too much on this. But do read the article I mentioned above. Mother Teresa has been one of my heroes, and this article only makes me feel better about her. She was inside a rigid machinery in which, she had to profess a complete love of and faith in God - The God, as they know it. Kudos to you, Mother. Because you didn't stop tending for the poor even when inside you, there was a turmoil so deep that most people would have faltered at that stage. And therein lies the strength of your conviction.
Far from the madding man (Yours Truly), Strato must be busy attending business sessions in Phuket. How ironical . . . like someone using Shakti Kapoor to promote a brand of Rakhi ! Oh by the way, after many many years, I will be at home on a Raksha Bandhan. Just another ritual, but a very nice excuse for siblings to get cozy and express mutual affection. And trade gifts and mithai as well !
After having zapped all houseflies inside my cubicle and reading all decent articles on news websites, I am looking forward to a trip back home. A nice week spent away from work would be a good change from the routine.
I have many plans on what to do after shadi. And top of the line is a-trip-a-year plan. Long back, when I was a kid, my mom knew I would travel a lot. She defused all my plans of running away from home with a sharp eye and twisted ears. Her eyes and my ears, to be precise. But once out there in the hostel, I had my way. I surmise that by the time I am 50, I will have seen every country which is a member of the UNO and where Guns and Roses are not the most popular accessories.
Humko maloom hai,
Ishq masoom hai,
Dil se
Ho jati hain
Galtiyaan...
Sabra se ishq mehroom hai . . .
Salute, Gulzar saheb.
Contrary to most/many people around me, I would rank myself in the believer-atheist grey zone. And an article I read got me thinking.
I do fathom the incredible complexity of this world. I have often thought and have long remained fascinated about The Origin (of Everything). A reference to that concept comes in the starting song of the famous, but now old serial 'The Discovery of India'. I am too ignorant to comment on how most religions treat it in depth, but I do have impressions. Christians assume the existence of a God so powerful that She/He created everything out of nothing. So do Hindus, though in a sense, I am confused whether Hinduism refers to one original God or three. My impression is that other religions also assume, because they cannot explain.
In fact, my conviction is that it is beyond us to explain the Origin. May be because our minds are programmed to think of time as a linear continuum, and so, we always ask what came before... as if 'before' was a completely defined and understood concept. A theory like Relativity, which brings fuzziness into many of our well-understood concepts of time and other dimensions may be an indication that there is a fuzziness in this trail of thoughts that we cannot cope with.
Nevertheless, I agree that there is something beyond us. And my posture is that luck, fate, karma, God (and all its synonyms) refer to that same one thing.
Also that He/She/It does not interfere with what we do. It is we who pray and feel good. It is we who seek silence in the name of God.
Religion, to that extent, is only a process - of trying to live with the deep uncertainty and the human inability to explain away so many things. Religion was made by humans, as much as math was. I remember a very interesting session we had in our Theory of Computation class where one of my favorite Profs asked a stunning question. He drew a '1' on the blackboard and asked us what it was. It took a bunch of 40 very very smart men and women some time and discussion to realise that the question is much deeper than what it appears to be. And I see a parallel in terms of religion. ( If you don't see it, challenge me to a discussion on '1'. And if you are satisfied, do treat me with a cone of a nice ice-cream. )
We realise that there is an underlying concept, and we choose a symbol to express it.
If religion is such a concept, why do people go mad about it?
You may ask, why is my peanut-sized brain thinking about this?
I started wondering about all this, when I stumbled upon this article. The sentence that struck a cord inside me was this: "She was no more exempt from the realization that religion is a human fabrication than any other person..." We may cringe at the concept that someone is an atheist, and we may bloat about our understanding of religion. But what is the big deal about understanding something created by another human being? Certainly, there wasn't any religion when humans walked around naked on this Earth? (Speaking of which, Playboy could give a whole new dimension to the cliche - "Back to the basics"! )
When someone says, "You should go to a temple every once so often, or you should light up an agarbatti every evening, because you should remember God everyday", I refuse to accept it. Rituals must be treated for what they are - processes with an objective. If lighting a candle does not make me happier, why should I waste the effort ? Just think about how much milk is wasted every year by people washing shiv-lings with milk. O you devout Hindu, did you ever think about donating that milk to someone hungrier and more in need of it than Lord Shiva?
I scoff at people who fast for religion but refuse to understand that God never asks them to be hungry. If they feel happy to go hungry, so be it. But to treat it like a commandment that must be followed or else all hell will break lose is something I will never ever accept.
Too much on this. But do read the article I mentioned above. Mother Teresa has been one of my heroes, and this article only makes me feel better about her. She was inside a rigid machinery in which, she had to profess a complete love of and faith in God - The God, as they know it. Kudos to you, Mother. Because you didn't stop tending for the poor even when inside you, there was a turmoil so deep that most people would have faltered at that stage. And therein lies the strength of your conviction.
Far from the madding man (Yours Truly), Strato must be busy attending business sessions in Phuket. How ironical . . . like someone using Shakti Kapoor to promote a brand of Rakhi ! Oh by the way, after many many years, I will be at home on a Raksha Bandhan. Just another ritual, but a very nice excuse for siblings to get cozy and express mutual affection. And trade gifts and mithai as well !
After having zapped all houseflies inside my cubicle and reading all decent articles on news websites, I am looking forward to a trip back home. A nice week spent away from work would be a good change from the routine.
I have many plans on what to do after shadi. And top of the line is a-trip-a-year plan. Long back, when I was a kid, my mom knew I would travel a lot. She defused all my plans of running away from home with a sharp eye and twisted ears. Her eyes and my ears, to be precise. But once out there in the hostel, I had my way. I surmise that by the time I am 50, I will have seen every country which is a member of the UNO and where Guns and Roses are not the most popular accessories.
Humko maloom hai,
Ishq masoom hai,
Dil se
Ho jati hain
Galtiyaan...
Sabra se ishq mehroom hai . . .
Salute, Gulzar saheb.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Arbit, random and foolish.
Somethings cannot be shared. And I am not speaking of razors and small clothes.
There cannot be two first persons you think of for an SOS call - whether of the physical, spiritual or metaphysical kinds. That privilege in life is pure and unadulterated (Ek dam parachute nariyal tel ki tarah).
Sometimes life looks like it is alternatively playing the roles of a witch and (insert a rhyming word). I mean, how is one supposed to choose between a kuan and a khai? Or between jalebi and soan papdi? But given that we only have one mouth and one heart, sometimes we must. And it gets difficult in the least. Downright agonising in the worst.
As I write this in a moving taxi, I realise that the gentlemanliness is not all lost in the taxi drivers of Mumbai. This taxi driver just stopped and waved at a passerby giving him the way to cross. Kudos paa ji!
Meanwhile, this folded-in-two A5 sheet looks like the haldi ghati of a 1000 ants. It is the strongest form of encryption known to humankind, mastered by that species called doctors. Come to think of it, there are so many 'ycin's, 'amide's and 'oxes' that removing a few letters will get you a birth control pill instead of cough syrup.
Sometimes, you encounter something so precious, you don't want so share it with anyone. In this maddeningly complicated world, where chain reaction happen as often in relationships as they do in nuclear reactors.
While I try to adjust the Thorium rods in my reactor, aap sunein aaj ka gaana. . .
Aur aahista, keejiye baatein,
Dhadkanein koi
sun raha hoga...
There cannot be two first persons you think of for an SOS call - whether of the physical, spiritual or metaphysical kinds. That privilege in life is pure and unadulterated (Ek dam parachute nariyal tel ki tarah).
Sometimes life looks like it is alternatively playing the roles of a witch and (insert a rhyming word). I mean, how is one supposed to choose between a kuan and a khai? Or between jalebi and soan papdi? But given that we only have one mouth and one heart, sometimes we must. And it gets difficult in the least. Downright agonising in the worst.
As I write this in a moving taxi, I realise that the gentlemanliness is not all lost in the taxi drivers of Mumbai. This taxi driver just stopped and waved at a passerby giving him the way to cross. Kudos paa ji!
Meanwhile, this folded-in-two A5 sheet looks like the haldi ghati of a 1000 ants. It is the strongest form of encryption known to humankind, mastered by that species called doctors. Come to think of it, there are so many 'ycin's, 'amide's and 'oxes' that removing a few letters will get you a birth control pill instead of cough syrup.
Sometimes, you encounter something so precious, you don't want so share it with anyone. In this maddeningly complicated world, where chain reaction happen as often in relationships as they do in nuclear reactors.
While I try to adjust the Thorium rods in my reactor, aap sunein aaj ka gaana. . .
Aur aahista, keejiye baatein,
Dhadkanein koi
sun raha hoga...
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Intellectually fool-filling
Sometimes, you just stumble upon a series of interesting articles that gets you thinking. That challenges your brain. And it is best if it happens on a lazy Friday when you least want to work. Here is something to get you started:
The world is such an interesting place. The sub-prime woes are haunting the market. A simple but dedicated quest leads to dozens of emerging websites offering all kinds of services online. People (at least the skeptical kinds) have begun to doubt if
Meanwhile, my own life is far from dynamic. My incessant curiosity is beginning to pester people.
I mean, I was born with two legs, two hands and an insatiable curiosity. Right from the name of the nurse who did the ‘ghor paap’ of bringing me to this earth to the price of so many items I probably won’t be buying in the next 4-5 years, I want to know it all. In between these lie questions which poke at people in a way that discomforts them. Probably also seems to imply either a sense of insecurity or mistrust. Both of which are not true.
I agree I have my doubts. The egg I bought yesterday wasn’t fresh like the shopkeeper promised. Chak De may not be a movie worth watching after all. My ideas might fail me, or vice versa. But in the end, like everybody else, my people (and I take the liberty of calling them ‘my’) are my greatest asset. I treasure them more than anything else I can think of. While I hate liars (absolutely) and can become incorrigibly possessive at times, I now know the value of that one thing people call trust.
By the way, Axis bank has lost the trust element by renaming itself. I wonder who came up with this idea because so far I can’t fathom what logic drove this decision. However, the recent efforts of HUL to juxtapose itself with HLL seem better off.
Just like that, another weekend is here. I shall be meeting up with ADNM (ref: this blog post). As I type this, I realize that Microsoft Word Dictionary is yet to include the word ‘blog’. Quite a basic error, I say.
I also plan to comment on ‘Not Just Jazz By The Bay’. I went there with Strato and a few other friends last weekend. The place rocked and so did our ears as we ended up seated right in front of the blazing speakers. All in all, I do not regret having spent 200 bucks to listen to it, and some more big bucks to eat inside that place. The Margaritas was particularly good, Sangria only so-so. In fact, I tasted better Sangria during my exchange days in
The foreigners seemed to be enjoying the music, and if that is your criteria of judging a band, you can say it rocked. But this is like saying everything videshi, from chaddi to chammach, is better than local stuff. I am not at a liberty of commenting in any greater detail because my knowledge of Jazz is about as high and deep as my knowledge of clandestine CIA missions.
But I liked the experience, and if I earned more, I would probably frequent that place, whenever I wanted a sound drumming of my ear drums. Right now, Strato is doing that thing to perfection!
He may look no better than the tea-vendor on a chowpatty beach, but he sings well. Sample this:
ishq junoon jab hadh se badh jaaye - 2hanste hanste aashiq suli chadh jaayeishq ka jaadu sar chadhkar bolekhoob laga lo pehre raste rab khole... Thursday, August 09, 2007
Ho Ho, Baap ban jaye...
Now I have been dealing with so many Chinki entities, I could as well name my -5 year old (or may be -6 or -7 year old) kid Zhing Shu Lee. As you can see, the gender won't matter! (And the next one, Yors Tru Lee! )
By the way, did you know that the names of 80% cities (and mohallas and gaons) in China end with 'aio'. Did you know that a major international bank has its origins in the Chinese opium trade? That Daimler Chrysler makes a cool 200 billion US dollars a years and Wal-Mart 350?
Life has been as revealing as Sharon Stone (don't ask which movie!). Weekdays seem to be passing by as fast as TGV trains. My speed of working has been surpassed by a limping snail. Mumbai's rain Gods drank diuretics thinking they were length enhancing pills - and we can see the after showers!
College life seems to be farther away than the poor ex-planet Pluto. I have been ogling at routers and we will get an internet connection soon. Last weekend I splurged a cool 20K. That is more than total miscellaneous expenses in the 5 months before that. But khair, I am earning now, and one only gets his or her first salary once in his or her life. So I bought nice nice gifts for people at home. And the much needed batteries for my old camera.
A message to all those people still in the college phase of life: Enjoy. Learn. Do what you can. When the office life begins, you will remember these days and long for them.
I spend 4.5 days waiting for the weekend and 0.5 day ruing the onset of another work week. I wake up at 8 am in the morning every day and sleep at 12.
Yeh mujhe kya ho gaya hai...
Meanwhile, my heart is working overtime and my mind has taken a sabbatical.
Once too often, my lost-in-thought phase has been broken by Strato's reminders that it is not good to stare at people. Especially other people's girl friends, even if they are wearing very curious things.
And here's a very interesting play of words...
"Aap jaisa koi, meri zindagi mein aaye,
to baap ban jayee,
ho ho,
baap ban jaye!"
By the way, did you know that the names of 80% cities (and mohallas and gaons) in China end with 'aio'. Did you know that a major international bank has its origins in the Chinese opium trade? That Daimler Chrysler makes a cool 200 billion US dollars a years and Wal-Mart 350?
Life has been as revealing as Sharon Stone (don't ask which movie!). Weekdays seem to be passing by as fast as TGV trains. My speed of working has been surpassed by a limping snail. Mumbai's rain Gods drank diuretics thinking they were length enhancing pills - and we can see the after showers!
College life seems to be farther away than the poor ex-planet Pluto. I have been ogling at routers and we will get an internet connection soon. Last weekend I splurged a cool 20K. That is more than total miscellaneous expenses in the 5 months before that. But khair, I am earning now, and one only gets his or her first salary once in his or her life. So I bought nice nice gifts for people at home. And the much needed batteries for my old camera.
A message to all those people still in the college phase of life: Enjoy. Learn. Do what you can. When the office life begins, you will remember these days and long for them.
I spend 4.5 days waiting for the weekend and 0.5 day ruing the onset of another work week. I wake up at 8 am in the morning every day and sleep at 12.
Yeh mujhe kya ho gaya hai...
Meanwhile, my heart is working overtime and my mind has taken a sabbatical.
Once too often, my lost-in-thought phase has been broken by Strato's reminders that it is not good to stare at people. Especially other people's girl friends, even if they are wearing very curious things.
And here's a very interesting play of words...
"Aap jaisa koi, meri zindagi mein aaye,
to baap ban jayee,
ho ho,
baap ban jaye!"
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