The kitten!

Have you ever been cruel to yourself?
Done things you couldn't forgive yourself for, ever ever?
I once straggled the neck of a small kitten by mistake. I was so scared, I hit it with the long stick that I had in my hand as it was running away from the kitchen. And it turned turtle. Probably fainted.
My sister ran to attend to it. I stood in a corner, half afraid, half guilty. Soon it ran away almost healthy. I guess it was as scared as I was, and that was probably all there was to it. However, ever since then, this incident has almost become a metaphor of cruelty for me.

Right now, as I sit in my room, doing nothing but pretending to be engrossed in a movie, I get the same feeling. The feeling of being alone scares me. In the words of a professor, I start shitting bricks. Completely imaginary bricks and in the figurative sense, to be sure. But then again, I am also afraid of crowd.
I think it began after there were rumours of determined individuals roaming around with HIV-infected syringes, looking for the right opportunity to puncture people's bums. And then, I would become one of them.
Next time, watch your back especially when I am around!!!
But isnt it a weird combo?
autophobic-cum-demophobic!

I just finished watching Before Sunrise. Great movie. Except that I seem to have lost the patience to sit through the 3 long hours. Phew!

I think I will do some window shopping online. Isn't it great to look at all the things you could buy if you had enough money!
In imagination at least, you don't need real money.


From Before Sunrise:
Daydream, delusion, limousine, eyelash
Oh baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet-cakes and milkshakes
I'm delusion angel
I'm fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Latched in life
Like branches in a river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I'll carry you
You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now?

I AM RESTLESS

by: Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)

AM restless. I am athirst for far-away things.

My soul goes out in a longing to touch the skirt of the dim distance.

O Great Beyond, O the keen call of thy flute!

I forget, I ever forget, that I have no wings to fly, that I am bound in this spot evermore.

I am eager and wakeful, I am a stranger in a strange land.

Thy breath comes to me whispering an impossible hope.

Thy tongue is known to my heart as its very own.

O Far-to-seek, O the keen call of thy flute!

I forget, I ever forget, that I know not the way, that I have not the winged horse