Log Kya Kahenge!

I was brought up on this diet.
"Beta, yeh table jaldi se yaad kar lo. Warna log kya kahenge, isko itna bhi nahi aata!".

I appreciate the concern, and these exhortations served me well, but 15 years after all that, I have begun to hate the expression.
"Log kya kahenge."
To a grown up 22 year old, this expression has so many implications. So many restrictions that I have to impose on myself. I no more do so many things which I could have done without a second thought when I was 6. I have to walk around with an assumed air. I have to appear to be something I am not. I have to make sure I am not creating a 'scene'.
"Warna log kya kahenge."

Sometimes I escape to my magic spot. But I have to make sure people don't see me going. The next thing I know, they will come to me with a bottle of anti-depressants. I mean, I can't sport a face like Jim Carrey's all the time. I want to be with myself, and my room is too well-lit, too common a spot.

Frankly, most of the times, I dont really give a damn about 'log' when it comes to making my decisions. Yes, I do try to avoid inconvenient situations. But other than that, I understand that nobody else lives my life for me. Neither my parents, nor my best friends. I live my life. So I choose how I have to live it.
To that extent, CM is a very good companion. I would rather call him a mirror. Sometime back, I was walking with him. Just strolling around. I told him about some of my misadventures but I wasn't sure of somethings I was saying. He asked me pointed questions and gave me frank opinions. I think he understands that even though I value his opinion, I am not going to let his opinion dictate what I do, especially in concerns not related to him. I can tell him at his face, "Your opinion doesn't matter to me" and he won't mind. Probably that is why he can be blunt with me.

Sample this:
I am arranging a reunion. I am meeting many old friends and am trying to ensure everyone turns up. So I send reminders and push the agenda. Next thing I hear, someone wondering about why I am so keen on meeting this girl X. So I decide to drop the pursuit, not because I am concerned about what these people have to say, but I get the drift that not everyone around me feels that way.

And I hate it.
I have to restrain myself for the phantom concern called 'log'. As if they mattered.
Even if one were to discount the issue of social manners,
[ And I don't shove ball pens up people's nostrils in the real world! ]
it is ridiculous. Almost loathsome.

"You will become a manager. A leader. So you have to set an example. You must behave the way they expect you to."
I have heard these exact words. I would rather be a cab driver employed by Thakur Travel Agency than behave according to people's diktats.
I would rather not talk to a girl than have to talk in a manner which is desired/expected/deemed fit by anyone else except me and her.

I am not asking for the permission to forget toilet lessons.

I don't think I need anyone's permission to be myself. Rude, cold, forgetful and impolite - may be. But the model, ideal, social guy - pleeease!

Deep inside me, however, this 'log kya kahenge' demon is still alive. And even when I slay it [before it comes back alive again], I am not sure others [the ones I care to think about] have.
So I have to be like this. The type who cares about 'log kya kahenge'.