Mujhe mat roko...

No, I am not typing from the edge of a cliff. Not even from the top of a skyscraper. And my chair is not high enough to cause me any material damage, even if I were to jump off it.
In fact, I've never been to the terrace of a really high building. But it must feel great up there!

Instead, I am admiring the beauty in the lyrics of this song:
"...
Usko pana hi meri zindagi ka maksad hai
Gar woh milta hai mujhe mar ke to mar jane do
...
Dil ki aankhon ne meri apna sanam dekh liya
Ab usi dar pe mere dam ko nikal jane do
..."

Before you jump into the Grand Inquisition mode, please don't. Because there really is nothing to tell! I wear a pair of thick specs on my 'dil ki aankh'. I can only differentiate between boys and girls [and that is very important in this age and time!]. No, I havent seen either my sanam or my maksad.

The disclaimers having been duly dispensed, let me talk about why I wrote these lines here at all.

I love this song. I love this feeling. The intensity of these emotions amazes me. And I am not a missionary of the Devdas clan. I was talking on phone with a friend, with this song running softly in the background. He asked me if I was alright.
Well dear friend, I am perfectly alright. And as happy as ever.

But this thought amazes me.
You live your life dreaming and wishing for a person, and are happy even to die to have him/her. Sometimes, this "having them" thought disturbs me.
I have had many crushes. Some serious, some non-serious. I never asked for anybody. I only asked that they be happy, with or without me.
No, I am not the seventh child of Raja Harishchand. And I am also selfish. But this is the way I like it. I sometimes doubt my ability to keep a normal human being happy for more than a few hours. A whole life, assuming she lives a few decent number of years after marrying me, seems next to impossible.
Chances are high that she will climb atop some skyscraper and plunge to glory, and a deep thud. And a painful disfiguring of the skull. And numerous questions.
But thats beside the point.

In school days, when the fever of romantic dreams was at its peak, I used to pray that my crush should never face any hardships. All the adversities that she has to face should be directed to me. Now that was a stupid thing to ask for, particularly at that age. But I did that.
Incidentally, once I got sick and was suffering from both Malaria and Typhoid at the same time. You can understand what that would do to a malnourished, disturbingly underweight boy. But I was happy. For I thought that one of these evils had her address on it, but dear God was moved by my prayers. I was happy!!!!
I always wondered which evil was meant for me.

Nevertheless, even though it all sounds so stupid, it still feels great. You know, it feels great that I had that feeling at some point in time. And I also had this feeling later.

Another 'deep' conversation with Strato later, I hope I have slain a few more of her curious creatures.

4:16 am is a good time to crush the insomniac Goliathus to a yellow pulp.
Did you know that the yellow pulp of a caterpillar tastes like a pinch of mashed potato drenched in lemon juice?